the speed of light

death is a strange thing to for me to be worrying about at my age, but it also seems to be hovering all around. no one is dying (that i know of) or has died recently in my life, except a few years ago my Mema passed. I'm 25 and I work in a chain restaurant packed to the gills with children at all times and I have a nephew who will be one year old soon. Maybe this is just a strange twist on "the biological clock" phenomenon that is happening to me- but it's true that when I see these kids I see my own mortality and that of everyone around me. They are new little orbs of existence reminding me that I am already heading onto the slippery slope toward old age. But it could also be my neverending debt that's got me envisioning the finality of all things alive. This world feels like a star we see in the night sky that is already dead, except the light hasn't finished reaching us.

Either way, I like kids a lot more than I used to. I always seem to be able to make them smile when I take their orders. There was a time when I was younger and less sober when my eyes could make them turn their faces into their mothers chest. That doens't happen anymore. Maybe this feeling of mortality is just the feeling of being alive.